“The One where it all goes wrong” Season 1

This is a series of blogs I will be writing about all the problematic things in the F.R.I.E.N.D.S. sitcom. F.R.I.E.N.D.S. is my favorite show and I've rewatched it more times than I care to count. But by watching it so many times I've come to realize that there are some very troublesome elements in the show which need to be highlighted. So I am once again rewatching it and critically analyzing every scene to note down the things which can not be normalized in this day and age. This particular blog is the analysis of season 1 of the show. 

Disclaimer: Many of the things in this series can be a little triggering. I will try to put a trigger warning before that particular section so if anyone wants to skip it they can. Any episode which I did/do not mention doesn't contain any problematic content. Also, goes without saying there are major spoilers for the show in this series.

Episode 2 “The one with the sonogram”

• Monica and Ross's parent's behavior:

-> “I read about these women trying to have it all and thank God that our little Harmonica doesn't seem to have that problem.” - Jack Geller.  This is an extremely bigoted and misogynistic statement. Not is he criticizing the women who are assertive and driven but he is also proud of Monica for not being that way. 

-> Monica's mother always blaming everything on her. In this particular episode,  she chastised Monica for not telling her about Ross’s divorce and Carol being a lesbian even though it wasn't her thing to tell. That's Ross’s and Carol’s story to tell whenever they are comfortable. Monica is so anxious and insecure around her mom it's really sad. 

Episode 3 “The one with the thumb” 

• The gang making fun of Steve’s (Monica's ex-boyfriend) lisp to the point Monica had to break up with him:

-> “ No. Not after what you did with Steve.” - Monica

-> “We loved Schteve.”- Chandler and then even Monica joined in and said “No... Schorry.” 

-> Making fun of something a person can't control is bullying. It's never funny. 

Episode 4 “The one with George Stephanopoulos”

• Joey fetishizing Carol and Susan’s relationship: 

-> “I think I'm just gonna go home and think about my ex-wife and her lesbian lover.” - Ross 

-> “To hell with Hockey. Let's all do that!” - Joey

-> Men who fetishize women in love with women relationships are disgusting. Same with women who fetishize men in love with men relationships. It's wrong. Stop normalizing it. 

Episode 5 “East German Laundry Detergent” 

• Ross having to change his fabric softener because it has a cutesy look and is not ‘masculine’ enough according to Chandler. 

-> Even fabric softeners have genders assigned to them now. This was such a ridiculous scene. The toxic masculinity was through the roof. 

• Janice 

-> Why did Chandler have to break up with her? What did she do wrong? She was so sweet from where I was sitting. She even bought socks for him even though she was having a bad day. 

-> I would get the whole break-up drama if he or any of his friends had any valid reason to dislike her but they didn't. All of them made fun of her for no reason other than the fact that she has a loud personality. 

Episode 6 “The one with the butt” 

• Monica calling Aurora’s open relationship “twisted”.

-> Not everyone enjoys monogamous relationships and you have to respect that. It's their choice. 

-> Aurora didn't keep Chandler in the dark about what she wanted from their relationship so her lifestyle shouldn’t be insulted. 

• Everyone in the group making fun of Monica’s OCD rather than telling her to get it diagnosed. 

-> “ Thank God you didn't try to fan out the magazines... I mean she'll scratch your eyes right out”- Chandler

-> Monica- “Guys, I'm not that bad.” to which Phoebe said - “Yeah, you are Monica.” 

-> Phoebe even calls Monica a “freak”. 

-> If you or anyone in your acquaintance shows symptoms of a neurodivergent disorder please do not call them a freak or a bad person. They can not control the way their brain works. Instead, educate yourself on their condition and recommend therapy to them. 

Episode 8 “The one where Nana dies, twice” 

• Chandler takes such an offense to being called gay. He then tries to eradicate things in himself which make people assume that he's gay. Nothing makes a person gay other than them saying they are gay. Stop promoting stereotypes. 

• Rachel just letting it pass that Chandler was being creepy and disrespectful to her in the past.

-> “But then you spent Phoebe's entire birthday party talking to my breasts.” - Rachel. 

-> Do not condone such behavior. Call men out on it. 

• The scene where all men were just listening to the game on the radio during the funeral's reception

-> Why only men? Why were women shown gossiping and giggling around and men were listening to the games? 

-> It was a funeral and every man in the room was just dismissing that fact and being an emotionless jock because ‘Hey! They are men. They love sports.’ So typical. 

-> The show is trying so hard to stick to gender stereotypes. 

Episode 9 “The one where Underdog gets away”

• When Joey wore makeup due to his modeling job: 

-> “That’s so funny ‘cause I was thinking you look more like Joey Tribbiani, man slash woman.” - Chandler 

-> Anyone can wear makeup. It doesn't have a gender. Stop being so bigoted. 

Episode 10 “The one with the monkey” 

• All of them succumbing to the notion that without a partner the holiday season is miserable: 

-> “The desperate scramble to find anything with lips just so you have somebody to kiss when the ball drops.” - Chandler 

-> “ Paolo is going to be in Rome this New Year's so I'll be just as pathetic as the rest of you.” - Rachel 

-> If you are not happy by yourself no one can make you happy. Stop believing that a person will come into your life and make it all better. Holidays can be enjoyed alone. 

• Janice: 

-> Chandler said “Kill me! Kill me now!” just because Janice wanted to take pictures with him. 

-> He is so rude to her even though he was the one who invited her to the New Year's party. I don't know why Janice would even tolerate this behavior. 

Episode 11 “The one with Mrs. Bing” 

• Firstly why does everyone even call her Mrs. Bing? She divorced Chandler's father a long time ago. She's single at the time. So why not Ms. Bing or Ms. whatever her maiden name was? 

• How creepily obsessed Phoebe and Monica are with the guy in the coma: 

-> They shave his face on a daily. 

-> They even expect some appreciation from a man who didn't even know that some strangers were taking care of him and invading his space when he was vulnerable because of being in a coma. 

Episode 12 “The one with the dozen lasagnas” 

*Trigger warning: mentions of sexual harassment* 

• Paolo harassing Phoebe: 

-> Phoebe dismissing it as “Paolo made a move on me” and acting like harassment is just like asking someone out on a date.

-> No one asking if Phoebe is okay and how she felt about the whole thing. They just cared that Rachel’s feelings would be hurt. 

-> Ross adamantly telling Phoebe “You have to tell her [Rachel],  as a friend, as a woman. I think it's a feminist issue.” and Chandler and Joey agreeing with him. They clearly don't know the meaning of feminism and Ross just wants to profit off of Phoebe’s harassment to get Rachel to break up with Paolo. 

-> Phoebe saying “She’s going to hate me.” and Ross replying with “yeah well...” She's the victim in this. No one tells Phoebe that she did nothing wrong.  She was just doing her job when Paolo grabbed her ass and then flashed her. Stop victim-blaming. 

-> When Paolo is leaving and Monica says “I really hate you for what you did to Rachel but I still have many of these lasagnas left.” Why hate him just for what he did to Rachel? He also sexually harassed Phoebe. Why not hate him for that too? 

• Chandler and Joey advising Ross to take advantage of Rachel's vulnerable situation: 

-> “What are you still doing here? She just broke up with the guy. It's time for you to swoop in.” - Chandler

-> “Yes, now is when you swoop.” - Joey 

Episode 13 “The one with the boobies” 

*Trigger warning: mentions of verbal abuse*

• The 1st incident- Chandler accidentally seeing Rachel's boobs:

-> Why did Chandler just stand there sputtering and still looking at Rachel rather than turning around and giving her some space. 

-> “That’s a relatively open weave and I can still see your... nippular area.”- Chandler Just close your eyes or turn around!! 

-> Later on, in Central Perk, Chandler dismisses Rachel's anger by saying “Oh she's still upset ‘cause I saw her boobies.” while rolling his eyes. 

-> He goes on to say “I don't know why you're so upset, they were very nice boobies.” She felt violated and he thinks a compliment would fix that. 

• Chandler just continuously staring at Rachel's chest whilst she is talking and not even bothering to hide it. 

-> That is predator behavior. 

• Ross suggesting- “Since you saw her boobies. I think you're going to have to show her your pee-pee.” rather than just telling Chandler to acknowledge Rachel's feelings and apologize like he meant it. 

• Chandler gets so offended when Ross suggests this even though he's been making jokes about seeing Rachel's boobs all day. 

-> Getting sexualized doesn't feel so good, does it? 

• All the friends hating Roger [Phoebe’s psychologist boyfriend]: 

-> They disliked him because he honestly told them about their mental issues.

-> The way he did it was very unprofessional and actual therapists don't do that. But all of them do have some issues they need to work through. 

-> Rather than being scoffed off these problems should've been discussed with a therapist. 

• The 2nd incident- Rachel attempting to peek at Chandler while he's showering but catching Joey instead: 

-> No respect for boundaries and violation of someone's privacy over a petty accident. She wanted to get back at Chandler but there were other ways to do that. She felt violated and so wanted Chandler to feel violated too. That is not how adults should resolve issues. 

• Joey's mother letting her husband cheat on her so he won't verbally abuse her, rather than just divorcing him: 

-> “Do you remember how your father used to be? Always yelling. Always yelling. Nothing made him happy.” - Gloria Tribbiani

• The 3rd incident- Joey trying to get back at Rachel by peeking at her when she’s showering but Monica being there: 

-> Phoebe knew that Monica was in the shower but didn’t even try to stop him. 

-> Even if Rachel was the one showering all of this nonconsensual peeking and disrespect for boundaries is not a joke. I don't get why everyone was just laughing it off. It's a very revolting thing to do. 

Episode 14 “The one with the Candy Hearts” 

• Joey's way of encouraging Chandler to go on a double date with him: 

-> “Come on man, she's needy. She's vulnerable. I'm thinking... Cha-Ching.” - Joey 

-> Yes, encouraging your friends to take advantage of someone's vulnerability to have sex with them. What a great way to show your offending mindset. 

• Rachel not trusting Abby [Phoebe's friend] because she's bald: 

-> “Pheebs, this woman is voluntarily bald.” - Rachel 

-> Baldness has proven to impact a woman's thinking ability. Rachel, of course got affected without the baldness factor. 

• Ross being embarrassed of Carol being a lesbian: 

-> “The blonde is my ex-wife, and the woman touching her is her close, personal friend.” - Ross 

-> “You mean they're lovers?” - Ross's date 

-> “If you want to put a label on it.” - Ross 

-> They do use a label and as someone who loves and cares about Carol, Ross should use that label with pride. 

Episode 16 “The one with two parts: Part 1” 

• Phoebe's way of asking if her sister is now unattractive: 

-> “So, is she fat?” - Phoebe 

-> There was absolutely no need for this comment. The fatphobia is coming on strong.

• Ross again not respecting Carol and Susan’s relationship in public: 

-> “Susan is um... Carol's.... (a lot more mumbling) Who's next?” - Ross 

-> “Sorry, I didn't catch that. Susan is?” - The class instructor 

-> “Susan’s Carol's... Carol's....friend.” - Ross 

-> “Life partner.” - Carol 

-> “Like buddies” - Ross 

-> “Like lovers.” - Susan 

-> “You know how close women can get.” - Ross 

-> While I applaud F.R.I.E.N.D.S. for broadcasting the first queer marriage on TV. These kinds of statements by Ross are also homophobic. His reluctance to accept Carol and Susan's relationship is not just hurt over losing his wife. It's his internalized homophobia. 

Episode 17 “The one with two parts: Part 2” 

• The doctors asking out Rachel and Monica [their patients] is unprofessional and even against most hospital policies. 

• Rachel using Monica being fat in high school as an insult: 

-> “Oh by the way, back in high school I was a cow.” - Rachel 

-> The fatphobia is very consistent throughout the show and it's very unnerving.

-> Being fat is not an insult. It does not take away from someone's beauty and don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise. 

Episode 18 “The one with all the Poker”

• The whole poker thing being a big gender stereotype: 

-> So the guys don’t know a single woman who knows how to play poker? What about the aunt Monica calls to teach her, Rachel and Phoebe poker. How come Ross doesn’t know her? Chandler, Joey and Ross are just ignorant. 

-> Exaggeration of the stereotype that women are not good at games because they are overly nice. Rachel and Phoebe are most of the time overly nice so maybe that’s understandable. But Monica is the most competitive person in the whole friend group and she hates loosing. Why is she depicted as slow and nice when it comes to poker? 

 Episode 19 “One where the Monkey gets away”

• Rachel taking offense to Monica calling Mindy pretty: 

-> “That’s Mindy? Wow. She is pretty.” - Monica 

-> Rachel gives Monica an incredulous look. 

-> “Lucky” - Monica

-> Rachel stares her down. 

-> “To have had a friend like you.” - Monica

-> What's with the pitting women against each other? I get that Rachel is feeling betrayed because her ex-best friend is now engaged to her ex-fiance. But her being pretty won't take away from the fact that she's a bad friend. Those two things are not exclusive. 

• Chandler and Joey's reason for not liking a movie: 

-> “Hey guys! How was the movie?” - Rachel

-> “Oh, so good.” - Phoebe

-> “Suck-fest.” - Joey

-> “Total chick-flick.” - Chandler 

-> Phoebe rants about how men only like action movies. 

-> “Hey; I don't need violence to enjoy a movie just so long there's a little nudity.” - Joey 

-> “There was nudity.” - Monica 

-> “I meant female nudity.” - Joey

-> So, women need to be sexualized in a movie for Joey and Chandler to like it. Color me shocked. 

Episode 20 “One with the Evil Orthodontist” 

• The notion that being available or excited to talk to the person you're seeing is needy: 

-> “Maybe, she never got your message.” - Joey

-> “If you want, you can call her machine, and if she has a lot of beeps that means she didn't get her messages yet.” - Phoebe

-> “You don't think that makes me seem a little...” - Chandler 

-> “desperate? Needy? Pathetic?” - Ross 

-> Showing emotions and being available is not desperate, needy or pathetic. Everyone needs reassurance and intimacy. 

• Joey leering when he sees Rachel hugging Mindy and then Monica 

-> He was being a creep. 

Episode 24 “The one where Rachel finds out” 

• Joey donating sperm being something he has to hide: 

-> “I’m not gonna tell a girl I like that I'm also seeing a cup.” - Joey

-> “The man's got a point.” - Monica 

-> What's so wrong with donating sperm? It was for a research project and Joey was making $700. He was helping people and making money. I don't get how that's so wrong and shameful. 

• Joey's girlfriend after he satisfies her sexual needs rather than just caring about himself: 

-> “Oh! I've got to tell you, Joey you are nothing like I thought you would be.” - Joey's girlfriend 

-> “How do you mean?” - Joey 

-> “I guess I just had you pegged as one of those guys who are always ‘me, me, me.’ but you... you're a giver. You're like the most generous man I've ever met. I mean... you're practically a woman.” - Joey's girlfriend 

-> Ahh, the women are natural givers stereotype. These ladies need to raise their standards if a man just doing the bare minimum is so refreshing. Also, no one is a natural giver. Men are just used to taking from people because society has never said no to them. 

This is where the first season ends. I was shocked to see so many alarming things in the show. But then again, no one cared about half this stuff in the 90s. This blog series is just a reminder to not idolize such characters because they can be very flawed. FRIENDS is still on Netflix and it will always be my comfort show but I wanted to lift the veil and showcase where it went wrong and where we can do better.